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Healthy Relationships

LOVE is...Time Care Protection & Respect

Nine Fundamental Rights: every person has but doesn’t always use

by YWCA Discovering Life Skills – Volume 6

 

The right to:

  1. Have and express your own feelings and opinions
  2. Refuse requests without having to feel guilty or selfish
  3. Set your own priorities and make your own decisions
  4. Ask for what you want (realizing that the other person has the right to say NO)
  5. Maintain your dignity by being properly assertive – even if the other person feels hurt – as long as you do not violate the other person’s basic human rights
  6. Be treated with respect and dignity
  7. Be listened to and taken seriously
  8. Choose not to assert yourself
  9. Make mistakes

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OUR CHILDREN
Children need to be children.  They have one chance in life to have a childhood.  Once their childhood is gone, it's gone.  They are too young to take on parental responsibilities.  Parenting is the difference between addressing children’s needs & children’s wants/wishes.  With custodial parental rights comes parental responsibility for the parent, not the children. to parent themselves.  Their job is just to be kids. Please help them

The Rights of Children of Separation and Divorce

Courtesy of the Family Conflict Resolution Services and the www.PAAwareness.org

1)     THE RIGHT to be treated as an important human being, with unique feelings, ideas and desires and not as a source of argument between parents.

2)     THE RIGHT to a sense of security and belonging derived from a loving, nurturing environment that is free of negative social influences such as drugs, alcohol, crime, bigotry and weapons in the home.

3)     THE RIGHT to a continuing relationship with both parents and their extended families, based on a fair and just arrangement that will provide the opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with both parents, which includes the freedom to receive and express love for both.

4)     THE RIGHT to have “listening parents” who work cooperatively in the best interest of the child as well as all members of the family.

5)     THE RIGHT to express love and affection for each parent without having to stifle that love because of fear of disapproval by the other parent.

6)     THE RIGHT to flourish in an atmosphere free of disrespect, exploitation and neglect.

7)     THE RIGHT to know that their parents’ decision to separate or divorce is not their responsibility.

8)     THE RIGHT to continuing care and guidance from both parents, where they can be educated in mind, nourished in spirit, developed in body and surrounded by unconditional love.

9)     THE RIGHT to honest answers to questions about their changing family relationships.

10) THE RIGHT to know and appreciate what is good in each parent without one parent degrading the other.

11) THE RIGHT to a relaxed, secure relationship with both parents without being

placed in a position to manipulate one parent against the other.

12) THE RIGHT to have parents who will not undermine the child’s time with the other parent by suggesting tempting alternatives or by threatening to withhold activities or parenting time as a punishment for the child’s wrongdoing.

13) THE RIGHT to be able to experience regular and consistent parental contact and the right to know the reason for not having regular contact.

14) THE RIGHT to be a child, to be insulated from parental conflicts and problems.

15) THE RIGHT to be taught, according to their developing levels, to understand values, to assume responsibility for their actions, and to cope with the consequences of their choices.

16) THE RIGHT to be able to participate in their own destiny and to be taught about their family’s culture and history.

17)  THE RIGHT to be able to contact any parent, or any member of either parent’s extended family without unreasonable objection or interference from either parent.

18)  THE RIGHT to be listened to by legal authorities and to have their age appropriate wishes and preferences made known to any court of law.

19) THE RIGHT to be supported and cared for, both financially and emotionally, by one’s own parents and extended family as the first option before any involvement of the government or other third party.

20)  THE RIGHT to be assisted by competent third parties whose responsibility it is to protect or advocate for children and to be provided this assistance by the parties without prejudice or bias in favor of, or against, either of the parents.

 

WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL ROBERT MUNSCH SITE

http://robertmunsch.com/poems-stories

A Real Man Never Hits a Woman:

A Prayer from Http://www.healingwingsretreat.org

By: William Collett

We cry out for help and healing. Wonder why such horrible abuse happens. Rather than ask “why?” we ask, “how?” How your perfect goodness & love find expression in the shadow of wickedness? You are loving and also all powerful. Yet you have risked giving humans the right to choose how we will live. For victims of evil, we ask for grace & healing. Come to us with your powerful love. God, Heal the victims of abuse.

"ONLY WHEN YOU DISCOVER YOURSELF CAN YOU BE SECURE"
D. ODJIG

INDECISIVE AND UNCERTAIN

It has been said that the greatest mistake a person can make is to be afraid of making mistakes.
Indecision and Uncertainty are ways of  avoiding mistakes and responsibility. If no decision is made, nothing can go wrong. The inclination to avoid decisions is sometimes manifested by draggin out as long as possible the ones we actually must make. The only real mistake is not to learn from our mistakes.

Click picture to enlarge

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About Equality

Balance

Care

Protection

Respect

Self care

Inclusion

Taking and giving

Empathy

Compassion

Understanding

Interdependence

Rules apply to everyone

Openness

Comfort

Trust

Responsibility

Builds up each person

Empowerment

Choice

Questioning

Discipline

   

"Living free of abuse is a right.  Violence destroys families."
--Penny Fisher
 
 
Are you man enough? Real Men:
  • Do not use violence to exert power over another
  • Understand that with power comes accountability, responsilibity & equality 
  • Use their strength to support & encourage
  • Believe that love is about time, care, protection and respect
  • Show that love is about time, care, protection and respect
  • Leave the world better than they found it
  • Are not afraid to show others they are men of peace
  • Are the example of what a healthy relationship should be
  • Understand that with power comes accountability, responsilibity & equality 

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Men of Peace
Why men of peace are often seen as being dangerous by some people?

Power with entitlement begets violence. Those who feel entitled to have power react violently towards those who would challenge their entitlement and hold their actions accountable.   Whenever corrupt power is confronted by those brave enough, it is a dangerous proposition. Power always fights to keep its' influence, and will do whatever it takes to eliminate the threat to its' influence.

Real men do not use violence to exert power over another.  Real men understand that with power comes responsilibity, equality.  Power is a tool to change situations for the better. 

Love builds you up and betters you for having it.  Love does not tear you down.  Love is about respect, trust, care and protection.

The following honour peaceful men who understand the power of change and who dared to take a stand to make a positive difference in the world:

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Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela 1918 -   
"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world....One of the things I learned when I was negotiating was that until I changed myself, I could not change others."


Achievements:  activist of African National Congress (ANC) against apartheid, ANC and the white National Party formed a multi-racial democracy for South Africa, Inaugurated as the first black president of South Africa, received highest honour freedom of the city, Nobel Peace Prize recipient

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Oscar Romero 1917-1980
"We have never preached violence, except the violence of love, which left [Jesus] nailed to a cross, the violence that we must each do to ourselves, to overcome our selfishness and such cruel inequalities among us. The violence we preach is not the violence of the sword, the violence of hatred. It is the violence of love, of brotherhood, the violence that wills to beat weapons into sickles for work."

Achievements: Archbishop of El Salvador, recipient of Nobel Peace Prize. assassinated while saying a memorial mass

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Greg Mortenson 1958 -
"I've learned that terror doesn't happen because some group of people somewhere like Pakistan or Afghanistan simply decide to hate us. It happens because children aren't being offered a bright enough future that they have a reason to choose life over death....Educate a boy, and your educate and individual. Educate a girl, and you educate a community."

Achievements: mountaineer, co-founder of nonprofit Central Asia Institute www.ikat.org, founder of Pennies For Peace www.penniesforpeace.org Promoting Peace with Books Not Bombs promotes and supports community-based education, especially for girls, in remote regions of northern Pakistan and Afghanistan

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Mike Holmes 1963 -
"It's a give and take process....Make it right."

Achievements:  A master builder whose apprenticeships and scholarships to support training of youth in the skilled trades, rebuilding Haiti, building schools in Africa and official advisor for Global Climate Change.

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Mahatma Ghandi 1869-1948
"Be the change that you want to see in the world."

Achievements: protest treatment of Untouchables, a major political and spiritual leader of India who led the country in the non-cooperation movement through non-violent and peaceful means, peaceful independence of India from the British Empire. Played a key role in the Civil Rights movement in South Africa and secured them the right to justice and equality.

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William Wilberforce 1759 - 1833
"Let everyone regulate his conduct... by the golden rule of doing to others as in similar circumstances we would have them do to us, and the path of duty will be clear before him."

Achivements: abolition of the slave trade and freedom to all slaves in the British Empire, free public education for children, Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, within his lifetime  

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Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. 1929 - 1968
"Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice"

Achievements: Birmingham campaign to end segregation in the South, Time Magazine's Man of the Year 1964, Nobel Peace Prize recipient, initiated a campaign to end discrimination in housing, employment, and schools, Poor People's Campaign focusing on jobs and freedom for the poor of all races

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Jorge de Guzman 1950 -
 "I see insanity in it...We teach them how to say no, how to get out of a stressful situation like abduction, how to recognize any form of abuse."

Achievements: working to save children from international sex trade and prevent sex abuse of children, martial arts master empowering women and children to protect themselves from abuse.
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Mikhail Gorbachev 1931 - 1991

“If not me, who? And if not now, when?..If what you have done yesterday still looks big to you, you haven't done much today.

 

Achievements: contributed to the end of the Cold War, ended the political supremacy of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union bringing democracy and introducting glasnost, which gave new freedoms to the Soviet people, including greater freedom of speech (CPSU) awarded the Nobel Peace Prize

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Ken Dryden 1947 -
"A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove, but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child....Children helping children is a skill that has to be taught to children so they can empathize with others around the world."

Achievements: with brother Dave leads Sleeping Children Around the Word (SCAW) charity sending "bedkits" to help individual children in developing countries based from his Etobicoke, Ontario home.

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Oskar Schlinder 1908-1974
"Power is when we have every justification to kill, and we don't...I was a Nazi..I hated the brutality, the sadism, and the insanity of Nazism. I just couldn't stand by and see people destroyed. I did what I could, what I had to do, what my conscience told me I must do. That's all there is to it. Really, nothing more. "

Achievements: saving almost 1,200 Jews during the Holocaust, 300 from Auschwitz, by having them work in his factories located in Poland

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Ralph Nader 1934 -
"A leader has the vision and conviction that a dream can be achieved. He inspires the power and energy to get it done...Power has to be insecure to be responsive."

Achievements: American's most renowned and effective crusader for the rights of consumers and the general public, a role that has repeatedly brought him into conflict with both business and government...produced systematic exposés of industrial hazards, pollution, unsafe products, and governmental neglect of consumer safety laws
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Nigel Fisher 1947 -
"it’s about the quality of leadership: getting leaders in the political and private sectors to work in the best interests of [sic] children and the most vulnerable rather than in their own narrow interests. It’s getting leaders to become advocates for children and ensure that the country’s resources are being invested in its children. " 

Achievements: President and CEO, UNICEF, member of the United Nations, Canada awarded him the Meritorious Service Cross for his humanitarian leadership

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Whitney Young Jr. 1921 - 1971
"The truth is that there is nothing noble in being superior to somebody else. The only real nobility is in being superior to your former self."

Accomplishments: US civil rights leader; director of National Urban League 1961-1971. received the Medal of Freedom in 1969.
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Michael "Pinball" Clemons 1965 -
”If what you did yesterday still sounds good to you today, you havent done much today”--All Star Dads

Accomplishments: Michael founded and heads the Michael "Pinball" Clemons Foundation, committed to providing the resources to quicken education and build character among youth through projects around the globe. inspires his audiences by illustrating what is possible and what it means to beat the odds

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Jack Layton & White Ribbon Campaign
1950-2011

"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world."

Accomplishments: leader of the NDP, one of the co-founders and visionaries of the White Ribbon Campaign, back in 1991. He felt men had to have both a role and responsibility in working to end violence against women, that we needed to step up our efforts in promoting gender equality, and be accountable to challenging the most harmful aspects of masculinity.
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Ban Ki-moon 1944 -

"I believe in a world of justice and human rights for all. A world where girls can grow up free of fear of abuse. A world where women are treated with the respect and dignity that is their right. A world where poverty is not acceptable. My dear young friends, you can make this your world...  It has been said that knowledge is power. We need to strengthen education systems so that young people can benefit from cultural diversity, and not be victimized by those who exploit differences."

Achievements: 8th Secretary General of the United Nations, a bridge-builder, to give voice to the world’s poorest and most vulnerable people. His advocacy for women’s rights and gender equality has also included the “Unite to End Violence against Women” campaign, the “Stop Rape Now” initiative, the creation of a “Network of Men Leaders” and the establishment of a new Special Representative on Sexual Violence in Conflict

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Garth Riley (not available - ) 
"It's not who's right ... it is about what's right"

Achievements: Founder of the Sticks & Stones Will Break My Bones anti-bullying program that shows students how to diffuse the attack of the bully and helps take the power out of the words and actions bullies use and transform the negative abuse into a positive self-help tool.

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Rev. John Niles (1963 - )
"This child, whatever physical and mental problems he has faced and will face, is a child of God...My goal is to break people's hearts so they open their homes."

Achievements: On a crusade to find a loving home for every waiting child in Canada. Niles and his wife, Liane, have been foster parents to nearly 1,100 kids.  Author of three books, "How I Became a Father to 1000 Children", "The Art of Sacred Parenting", "The Power of Positive Believing". He and Liane received awards of merit from the Governor General for their work with foster kids.

 

John Lennon (1940 - 1980)
"I'm not claiming divinity. I've never claimed purity of soul. I've never claimed to have the answers to life. I only put out songs and answer questions as honestly as I can... But I still believe in peace, love and understanding."

Achievements:
Pop star, composer, songwriter, and recording artist with the Beatles and activist against the Vietnam War. In his solo career, he addressed many social issues through his lyrics. His song Give Peace a Chance (1969), became the national anthem for pacifists.  His composition "Imagine" was voted one of the songs of the millennium, and for many of us has more power and meaning than any national anthem.

If you would like to add or comment on the Men of Peace, please contact Penny Fisher at penny@survivorguide.ca.

Lady Gaga Speaks Out About Bullying at the Etobicoke School of the Arts

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMravLc6iyA&feature=youtu.be

"The fundamental question has shifted from “why” we should work with men and boys, to “how” we work with men and boys."

White Ribbon Campaign

The White Ribbon Campaign (WRC) would like to gratefully acknowledge the support and confidence of Status of Women Canada (SWC) and the Public Health Agency of Canada (PHAC) in selecting us to prepare this important Issue Brief: Engaging Men and Boys to Reduce and Prevent Gender-Based Violence.

This Issue Brief was commissioned to provide an overview of efforts to engage men of all ages in efforts to reduce and prevent gender-based violence in Canada and around the world.

Engaging men and boys is an essential component of realizing transformative change on the issue of gender-based violence.

This Issue Brief is rooted in three basic premises:

  1. Work with men and boys is necessary. As perpetrators, the target audience for primary prevention, holders of the social norms and influencers on other men, men must to be engaged to reduce and prevent gender-based violence.
  2. Work with men and boys can be effective. As the evidence base grows, evaluation data appears, lessons are learned, and best practices are shared, we know this may be the missing compliment to past decades of work.
  3. Work with men and boys can be positive. There is a much broader spectrum of positive roles for men and boys to play than perpetrator or potential perpetrator of gender-based violence. These roles not only prevent and reduce violence against women and promote gender equality, but also improve the lives of men and boys by freeing them from these harmful and limiting aspects of masculinities.

The Issue Brief examines the many dimensions of gender-based violence; impacts on communities of interest; the evidence base, frameworks, strategies and positive roles men can play; and finally some of the risks, limitations and additional considerations in this field of work.

In all of our efforts at the WRC we salute the courage and conviction of every woman who has fought for gender equality and struggled to end violence against women and girls; you have been at the fore of this work for decades, we are humbled and inspired by the work you have done. It is our sincere hope that this Issue Brief will contribute to our shared vision of ending gender-based violence in Canada.

For questions, comments or other considerations, please contact:
Todd Minerson, Executive Director, White Ribbon Campaign
tminerson(at)whiteribbon(dot)ca